If I were God, immediately after coming up with the vulva (excellent work btw), I would make it so that each vulva would have a single penis that could unlock it. So it would be impossible to do it with somebody who's not yours. Not only that, I would tweak the sex drive so you would never even want to spend ten years eating Costco samples which would mean families wouldn't get broken all the time. Downside: you'd never stop walking in on your parents.

The way it would work is there'd be one person in the world for you. So there really would be “The One.” You would know the one because s/he is the only on in the world who you would find attractive. Everybody else would look like a mix between your grandma and a zombie and a mob boss. And any vagina that wasn't rightfully yours would look just seem wrong and any cock that wasn't yours would seem bent or sick somehow. So, your baby might live next door to you and you would be lucky, but she might live across the world and you would have to go on an epic quest to find her — travel the high seas, conquer the beasts without and within, live on plover eggs you harvest from sheer cliffs you scale. Everybody would be 'the one', everybody would be Neo, everybody would have something worth putting in a book.

My friend read this part and said it was heteronormative, so let me state for the Hansard, this world would be just as shitty for queer people. Probably worse because there are fewer of you.