Paloma is funky to the point of being a rock star. We're still at the beginning stages, but I could tell my mom would like her if they ever met. We drank a bunch and then watched two women and a man flamenco, all clapping and red and writhing and sexy. We held hands and walked to her place where we kissed and I put my hand on her heavenly ass. It was a nice first date and we said we'd call each other back.

If it works out, we'll have to make up a story because I don't want to tell people we met through Craig Zlist. I know the internet is how people meet each other these days, but Christ, is that the story we want to tell at weddings ? How did you guys meet, Uh, a mutual friend, Oh yeah, who, I don't think you know them actually, Well try me, you never know, OK, do you know Fuck You, It's None Of Your Damn Business?

Maybe Paloma's it, I don't know. Why not? Why does a man need to sample so many flavours? It's like some glutton who hangs out at Costco, lurking around all day sampling everything, trail mix, perogies, pizza, dips, crackers, salad, olives, butter tarts, hot sauce, energy bars, pasta, pickles, I'm going to go on, because this is an important point, apple slices, cheese cubes, pie, grapes, bagels, fudge squares, cookies, macaroni, yoghurt, STOP! Just settle on something, pay for your shit, and GTFO, no need to glut out and never settle for anything. And I don't mean settle as in 'settle' for somebody because that's just one way of looking at it. Every marriage has hard parts and I guess you could say you've 'settled' for your wife or she's 'settled' for you, but you might as well say, thank Jesus, I found you, I get you, praise god you love me and I love you and we're going to make this henching tin boat of a marriage float because love is a decision and not any kind of hormonal imbalance or passing fancy. I know, take my own advice. Paloma, hmm, Palomina, Palomita.